cookbook index page behaviour

born to be an archivist, cursed to be not that

You can all breathe a sigh of relief: today’s post is going to be short. I considered not writing at all, before remembering that I put “weekly” in the name of this newsletter just to bully myself into sending something out every weekend, no matter what.

This week, my professional life took a turn so sudden and so sharp that it was more akin to doing donuts in a Lidl car park, leaving me with very little brainpower to dedicate to anything other than sorting it out. I applaud past Lou, who as detailed in last week’s roundup prepared leftovers for me, present Lou; I do not, however, applaud past Lou for not preparing a post in the eventuality of shit hitting the fan.

Sure, I’ve got plenty of pieces at varying degrees of brewing, but I have one big problem: I’m a list-maker. I crave exhaustivity. I go on days-long cataloguing benders, then immediately drive myself mad trying to fit all this information into one sentence loosely held together by excessive punctuation. You know this: you’ve seen the spreadsheets.

All this to say: I’ve nothing ready to show, but I do have something to tell. So, to keep the promise I made of posting weekly regardless of the general chaos, I present to you my list of lists – a sneak peek into the sprawling depths of my Google Drive dedicated to the uncomfortably long-form pieces I want to write/film/shamefully keep to myself.

• A glossary of French food idioms – There are three categories of French idioms: those about food, those about farm animals, and miscellaneous. I have made it my mission to list and translate the former, all neatly sorted into categories (fruit, vegetable, dairy, dishes and utensils…). Includes bangers such as “to put down a peach” (to go number two) or “close your camembert box” (shut up).

• The food of On The Road – I am reading Jack Kerouac’s masterpiece and writing down every single mention of food and drink. 44 pages in and this list is already 37 items strong. This Sal guy sure can handle his apple pies. What am I going to do with all this information? Who knows, and much more importantly, who cares.

• Olive: Final boss battle – My reaction to olives has always been visceral disgust and immediate rejection. Unfortunately, I am stubborn and have decided that I am going to make myself like them. For science. I am literally collecting scientific papers to find out how to train myself to enjoy olives. I will report back whether you like it or not.

Please feel free to leave notes of concern in the comments. Or egg me on in the comments – I’m doing it regardless.