washing dishes is cooking, actually
I have yet another four-step system for a mundane task! read all about it!
I’m starting a campaign to require recipe writers to add dishwashing time as well as prep and cook time by law. Why should it only be the one-pot-dish bloggers? Show me one recipe that doesn’t require cleaning at least one utensil. I literally dare you.
Even if you’re one of the lucky ones who has a partner/family member/flatmate/extremely well-trained Jack Russell terrier who’s willing to wash the dishes in exchange for you cooking, somebody’s gotta do it. If you own a dishwasher, first of all how does it feel to be God’s favourite, and second of all, someone will still have to put the bastards in and then away at some point.
Washing dishes may not be the main event, and certainly not the most stimulating one, but it is to cooking what the loading screen between levels is to a video game, or what regularly checking your oil levels is to owning a car. That is to say: a crucial part of a much bigger process, and maybe even a welcome break in between the more cognitively demanding moments.
A lot of cooking processes create dead time – washing your dishes during those spare minutes is the kindest thing you can do for future you, as well as the best way to stop yourself from opening the lid of that simmering pot or the door of your oven every 30 seconds. I also find it a great way to take a breather when I’m feeling overwhelmed or confused about what to do next for a dish I’m cooking.
At the end of the day, though, I just find it relaxing. It’s like watching one of those rug power washing videos, except my dirty cutlery is the rug, and I’m both the power washer and the person writing “I need someone to do that to my brain lol” in the comments.
I understand that, just like me with laundry1, many people aren’t born thinking of washing dishes as relaxing. For that, the only way to make the activity mindless and meditative is to find a way to do it on autopilot. If that’s you, fret not; I have a system. We’ll get to it in a bit. But first, to prove to myself that my dish washing system is good and to prove to you that I’m not crazy for having a dish washing system, I did some research on how people who wash dishes professionally do it.
Thankfully, Priya Krishna followed the dishwashers at Gage & Tollner for the New York Times for a day, a rare celebration of possibly the most thankless job in a professional kitchen.
Over 17 minutes, you’ll see Dre and Keith work their ass off overtime to handle a neverending stream of dishes with a smile; you’ll see their boss praise them for the work they do without which the kitchen would just stop working; and yet you’ll see them miss out on sharing family meal with the rest of the staff, cleaning their coworkers’ dirty plates before they even get to eat.
You’ll also see Dre make his ambitions of moving up through the kitchen ranks very clear, showing as much commitment and dedication at the dishwashing pit as he would on any other station. The pit is part of the kitchen; washing dishes is part of cooking. “If he can’t keep up, the place just doesn’t work.” Many, many cooks start out this way, including Thomas Keller of three-Michelin-starred The French Laundry, who once shared what this early experience taught him with Forbes.
Both Dre and Keller’s lessons from the pit boil down to the same few points: be organised and efficient, recognise the importance of doing your job well, rehearse the process and keep repeating it. In a much, much smaller way, that’s what the loudemile proprietary dish washing system patent pending™ as I’ve decided it’s now called boils down to, too. I may not have Dre’s beautifully efficient circular dishwashing pit, but I’m great at stacking things in size order, and that’s something for sure.
Get organised before you even turn the water on. The flat stuff (plates usually) goes into your sink first, from largest at the bottom to smallest at the top; the curved stuff (bowls) goes on top of that, large to small again. The tall stuff (cups, mugs, french presses…) get stacked as high as they can safely go, and go around the stacks. Cutlery and utensils go along one of the walls of the sink, handle facing you. Pots, pans and cutting boards can go last and wait by the side of the sink, stacked in the same way as the plates and bowls. Unless your sink is large enough to accommodate all of the above, in which case I’m so happy for you. Or you’re on team “dunk into sink full of soapy water no rinsing”, in which case everything goes next to the sink, I suppose.
Start with the sharp stuff. Your fancy knife will not like soaking or getting accidentally crushed under a kilo of ceramics. Your hand will definitely not like grabbing a blade that was hiding underneath the suds while you were feeling around for a wooden spoon.
Go from small to big. Starting with the cutlery and utensils makes everything look instantly clearer. Then, work your way downwards through the piles. This will minimise water use (everything cascades into each other!), maximise your drying rack space (everything fits into each other!), and pre-sort your dishes into types that live in the same cupboard (everything stays with each other!).
One step at a time. Finish a stack before you load a new one into the sink, and wait until the drying rack is full before you start emptying it to make room for the next batch. This is as close to the circular pit as you might ever get. Don’t make it harder on yourself to follow.
Then, literally rinse and repeat. It’s all about organisation, baby. Without going full aforementioned Forbes article (if I ever have to hear about a CEO’s absurd morning routine again!!!), there’s even more to learn from people who do it all day every day:
Check for “hidden” dishes before you get started. For example, I know for a fact I’ve got a half full cup of water sitting by my bed right now, and I’m going to hate myself if I only find it when I’m ready to go to sleep.
Know your drawers and cupboards inside out. I’m in a flatshare, so everything goes to roughly the same place, but if you spread your dishes between the kitchen and dining room, it might make sense to organise the stacks that way.
Dishes aren’t the only things that need cleaning. If your food’s still in the oven and you’re all out of dishes, a counter may need sweeping, a backsplash may need spraying, a dirty tea towel may need swapping.
It’s a team job. Let the friends you just fed help out if they offer. Cherish your partner/family member/flatmate/extremely well-trained Jack Russell terrier.
Please please please if you have a similar system that would make doing the laundry suck less, I beg of you: share it with me. You would be saving my life, medically.
I do biggest to smallest for plates because I can lean them vertically against the back wall better. For washing smaller things, I put a bigger dish below them to catch the water (I don’t fill the sink) and then poor that water into dirtier pots to presoak them.
Laundry: I have 5 vertical baskets lined with big pillow cases. One each for lower temp dark clothes, lower temp light clothes, high temp dark, high temp light, wool. I have enough clothes so that I can do laundry based on when I feel up to it rather that when I need it. Usually 3-4 loads per month. When the basket is full, I know it’s a full load. Then I grap the full pillow case (no sorting!) and wash. I set phone timers for when the load is finished.